breathless

today was 1st of jan 2010. n this year i would gonna be 20 yrs old. OMG it is a big digit. No more teens life. erghh so yesterday, my day was quite dull n the night utterly grab the life of me. My roommate went back to her hometown due to our 3 days hols. So here i am, lonely loner. I was having lunch with another friend of mine while watching mulan n then we stopped to pray maghrb n she promised to continue watching with me. I waited for her in my lonely room till i slept n woke up shockingly due to my breathlessness. When i opened my eyes, i hardly can't breath. I couldnt help thinking of what was wrong with me. I rushed out of my room to get some air. Thanks God it was still 9 pm something. After prayed, i tried to take a rest while waiting for this friend. But she never came without leaving any msg to me n sobbingly my heart was aching hardly as i was breathless. I'm worrying if something is wrong with my heart as i noticed recently something weird with my beating heart n breath especially at night. I couldn't help myself to think from bright side as at least i knew the very bit about heart as i'm doing cardiovascular system right now. Grasping an oilment, i rubbed around my thorax, abdomen, nasal sinus and my back. Crying while trying to hold my tears, i called my mom but i couldnt speak clearly as i was catching my breath and there were times i had to gasp the air through my mouth like a fish. Then my dad called me n asked me to put on sock n take panadol but panadol was my last choice of everything so i tried to hold on to it. I missed my roommate. How i wished she was here in my hard time. I was too worried if something going to happen to me last night with me alone in this big room. I recited some doa n while laying on bed, suffocating of breathlessness, i realised that how ungrateful human i was before. I'm 19 years old n i swear for the rest of my life i never appreciate the ability of me to breath peacefully the very day of these nineteen years. That was last night i was thanking God for let me breath for these years. I couldnt afford to ask for more from Him. I was quite redha(willing) of what was going to fate on me last night. I cried but not because of i couldnt breath but i cried because i was too disappointed of my past. I had done too many things which i wished i could go back n mend everything on its place. Ya ALLAH, You have given me another chance to live this restless life. When i woke up this morning, i couldnt tell how grateful i was. Seeing another rising sun really throbbed my heart. Second chance. please change me.

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