Assalamualaikum
It has been such a longggg time since i last wrote here. Oh yeah i barely got time to do it (according to my dear friend). But i guess it was due to my sleep pattern that had gone haywire since i started the new posting. Oh blog how i miss u! Many things happened that i wished i could put it up here but as i laid my restless body on my bed, i just dozed off with blank new post on screen staring silently at the sleeping me. It had been 5 weeks since i started medicine posting and all i can say was that it totally a riot to my internal body system. Affecting both my physical and mental. Truthfully to say that i never felt like this. Through the weeks, i could say that my physical didn't fit my mental status. But though how bad was that, i totally learnt a lot through those weeks. Seeing the patients that at the age of my grandma, granddad, mom and dad, i couldn't help but thinking of them. What would happen if that patient was my beloved close one? Can i be as that strong as those young kids that tirelessly waiting with hope for their parents?
And so yesterday i went to my on call routine with the other friend. After we have done with clerking a patient, i was hoping to see resuscitation thingy. I was mumbling all the way to female ward with my friend about how keen i was to see the procedure. And it happened that the moment we arrived there, there was a patient that already in asystole state resuscitated by 3 young doctors. We asked to join and they allowed us to try resuscitating her. I failed at first try as i still startled to do it on REAL patient. I never did it before except on the mannequin. Second try, i was good but i mistakenly took a glance over patient's face. The blood rushing to my face and my adrenaline jumping over my heart making me trembling. That late makcik was so in peace, she even not looking like a dead person. She more like in deep sleep and not to mention it was friday night. May she be placed among the honorable loved ones of Allah (swt)......After 30 minutes of trying, the doctors basically stop the resuscitation and declared the death to the family. There was very tearful moments to me, thank God my friend was there that i was able to strain my tears. Even the housemen could detect my face changed. And today, i went to see another 2 elderly bed ridden patients, one of them had cerebral infarction/stroke and he was in pain. The other one was having uncontrolled diabetes, his leg already gangrened and i could see 4 toes were amputated. Those two patients, they were alone. I asked that pakcik about their family which i much regret. Oh Allah, do make me stronger to be in this kind of field.
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